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Old 5th December 2014, 08:23 PM   #1
copenhagen65
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Need Advice, wife thinks she did nothing wrong !!

About two months ago we were out with a group of about 25 friends, mostly guys I work with and their wives.

We went to a brewery that had an outdoor patio dining area and all had dinner.

One of the guys I work with is about 25 good looking muscular type and known for drinking to much at parties and doing stupid inappropriate things. We were there to celebrate his birthday.

The beer was flowing, I was not drinking so I could drive several people home, my wife maybe had three or four beers with dinner over 3 hours. The co-worker was pretty drunk.

I am 48 my wife is 45, I should note that this guy frequently makes comments and remarks about "hot" my wife is to the point I have told him knock it off a couple of times. I have told my wife this more than once and told her to be careful around him, especially in drinking "party" situations.

We end up the last people in the place, just all of our group and are about to go home, I'm talking to people about driving them home when I hear whooping and laughter cheering etc.

I look over and the guy has picked my wife up and was holding her facing him, her legs around his waist, her hands around his neck and his hands holding her by the back of her thighs, just under her butt cheeks. about 40 feet away from me.

He is making forceful thrusting motions with his hips pounding his crotch into hers,simulating stand up sex, vigorous dry humping, her butt and her hair were literally bouncing up and down!!

This went on for several (10-15) seconds. I was shocked, but more shocked when he let her down she was laughing hysterically, her face was a little red, she seemed a little embarrassed but she was cracking up,she kept her right hand around his neck and was patting his chest with her left hand as she was bent over laughing.
I later on the way home heard her friends teasing her that she said to a friend of hers who was close by "Wow That Was Kinda Fun!!" while she was laughing after he put her down.

Then another friend crabs her cellphone and says "do it again I want a picture" so my wife turns back to him jumps back up wraps her legs around him and her arms around his neck and they do it again..dry humping, for another 10-15 seconds while they laughed and everyone cheered. Then she let's go or loses her grip and falls on her back on the floor hitting her head. Everyone is very worried that she may have been hurt from the fall, I am just very quiet and angry and say "It's time to go home".

I am upset and very quiet as we take people home.

We get home and she says "what's your problem"??

I am very angry and tell her that was TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE and there is no way she could think that was ok to do.!!!

She says she was walking towards the exit and told him we were going home and he said " no we are gonna hit the bars now"

and he then picked her up, carried her back about 30 feet into the patio area and began the hip thrusting, humping motion. she didn't ask him to do it it was just a joke and she did nothing wrong. she got super defensive and started screaming at me. saying I was being ridiculous and controlling, we had a huge fight.

She says she was the victim in all this and it was all his fault, and keeps saying she did nothing wrong.

I told her that I believed that she did not know he was going to do that, but she should not have allowed him to pick her up in that position in the first place. And if she felt she was a "victim" and was not ok with him simulating sex and thrusting into her than she should not have "gone along" with it, that all she had to do was unwrap her legs and get down, push him away and act offended ,which she should have been,if she were the victim she should not have been laughing about it or said "wow that was kinda fun!" and she would not have done it again a second time voluntarily.

She keeps saying that she did nothing wrong, she is the victim, and it was just a joke and there is no reason I should have been upset about it. She says I am totally over reacting and she is very angry that I won't agree with her.

The co worker called me on Monday and genuinely apologized, he felt terrible and asked my forgiveness, he told me it was way out of line and I should have punched him in the face.


Anyway I am just looking for some help and advice, this has become a major issue in our marriage and my wife will not give an inch, saying it was just a silly joke and she did nothing wrong she is saying I need to apologize to her for being upset about it and being a jerk.

She will not see how inappropriate that it was, and does not care about how I felt watching her do that.


Any help is appreciated,

Last edited by copenhagen65; 5th December 2014 at 09:16 PM.
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Old 6th December 2014, 12:09 AM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: Need Advice, wife thinks she did nothing wrong !!

OH dear The thing is that I totally agree with you. If my husband had done anything like that with another woman I would have been furious, even if she had started it. Its totally inappropriate and I have to suggest that you choose your friends more wisely and not get into any more drink filled sessions with such young immature people. She is old enough to know better.
I am not sure what you can do, but I am sure that if you had done that with another woman, she would have also been hurt and angry.
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Old 6th December 2014, 05:34 PM   #3
ralfgarnett
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Re: Need Advice, wife thinks she did nothing wrong !!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
OH dear The thing is that I totally agree with you. If my husband had done anything like that with another woman I would have been furious, even if she had started it. Its totally inappropriate and I have to suggest that you choose your friends more wisely and not get into any more drink filled sessions with such young immature people. She is old enough to know better.
I am not sure what you can do, but I am sure that if you had done that with another woman, she would have also been hurt and angry.
Agreed I'm surprisedyou idnt re-aarange his nose for him, im not a violent man but would of been very tempted to wipe the smile off his stupid drunken face, also your wife is way out of order she needs to realise that is not appropriate behaviour under any circumsatnces
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Old 9th December 2014, 06:44 PM   #4
drleo
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Re: Need Advice, wife thinks she did nothing wrong !!

you have all the right to feel that way am with you ,because you have been warning her about the way you feel on this guys comment towards her .that night she may have drunk but what of the following day? if this guy saw that what he did was wrong and apologized then what of her? she need to apologize all what she did was wrong and am sure all you friends think that she is wrong, if she wants you to apologize for telling her the truth ask her if you did what she did with some one she suspect that your hinting on or someone she warned you of how would she fell ?
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