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Old 15th July 2011, 03:31 PM   #256
chosen
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

Sally I am so pleased for you, you deserve some happiness after what you have been through. Its good to share in the good times with you as well.
Many blessings for you and your family.
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Old 6th August 2011, 03:22 PM   #257
1heartbrokenlady
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

hello eveyone

Things are going pretty well.

however, there's someone who's bombarding me with her take on things. I haven't asked her for advice and haven't confided in her, she's got to know a little about what had happened between me and my husband and seems to have the bit between her teeth.

She said that she would never take her h back if he had an affiar, that she had self respect and i don't have any. That i married a man who is a cheating **** because i am desperate, that i'm a martyr and that i deserve everything i get. There's more but it was basically all along those lines. I haven't known her for long, and she didn't know me when i married my h, nor does she know him, she's never met him.

i tried to explain to her that a lot of people might think they know how they'd react if their h/w had an affiar, but that it is different and a lot harder when you're actually in that situation. I told her that i still loved my h and that he was sorry etc, but no good, she wouldn't listen, a few others heard what she said, it was embarrassing, she just wouldn't stop, I was upsetting to say the least.

Also, we've been invited to a wedding. Normally i'd be thrilled, but i don't want to go because this relationship started as an affair. He (the guy) had an affair with his now fiance, he broke up with his w as a result of the affair. I am related (not closely) to the new woman, and they both work for the same co as my h, this is how their affair started. The thing is i really don't want to go, i keep thinking about his w and children. I know that the children had taken it really badly, especially one of them, and that his wife had had a very hard time. I know that this has nothing to do with me per se, but i feel for his ex wife and kids so much.

any advice anyone
hbl
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Old 6th August 2011, 07:56 PM   #258
Raymond
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

You musn't let this woman bother you Sally. She has to do what she wants if it ever happened. What you did is your business. Your marriage was saved from destruction because of your stand leading to H's repentance. That is a very positive thing. A family that would have been broken up is still together. I would treat her accusations as an attack on your marriage and try not to let it affect you. You acted impeccably and made a stand by letting him go which led to his turnaround. I wouldn't even bother to defend yourself. The important thing is that your own family knows the true story, not what she thinks.

As for the wedding I would do exactly the same as what you feel and would have no part of it if he was just being unfaithful. In a small way wouldn't we be enablers of his adultery by adding our blessing? I'd go with the check you have inside regardless of what others think.

Both these things are situations where we do the right thing regardless of what others think. That is a great virtue to have.
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Old 6th August 2011, 08:21 PM   #259
Forever
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

Hi 1HBL,

I dont think you should be anywhere near a woman like that. What nerve she has to tell you what you should have done, especially given the outcome. Cant you find a way to avoid her? I agree with Raymond. This was an all out attack designed to create doubt and stir up emotional garbage into your life. You did a great thing forgiving when he repented.

As for the wedding, is your husband planning to attend?
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Old 6th August 2011, 09:48 PM   #260
1heartbrokenlady
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

hello

I know her because she works with my sister from time to time, i don't see her regularly thank goodness.

When she said that i'd married a cheating **** it really upset me. I instantly thought back to our wedding day, and i remembered how i felt when i first saw my h waiting for me. It had been the most beautiful memory i had of our wedding day. How can she say that he was a cheat before and at the time of our wedding. She also said that i knew i was marrying a t*****, and that i deserved everything i got. I managed to hold it together until i got home, but cried when i got in.

My h's not fussed about going to the wedding, which is a relief. He's not friends with either of them at work, they work in different departments. It just so happens that my step sister (the bride) works for the same company. We will be declining their invitation. We just can't accept.

My goodness, all of this has had more far reaching consequences than i ever imagined.

many thanks
Sy

Last edited by 1heartbrokenlady; 6th August 2011 at 10:09 PM.
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Old 6th August 2011, 10:52 PM   #261
chosen
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

Sy
Keep away from that woman, and if you do run into her, just say that you dont want to hear any more negative things about your marriage.

As for the wedding, I can totally understand not wanting to go(I would be the same) and how will the ex wife and children feel about people going and supporting them after what they did? Stay right away is my advice.They dont deserve any support.
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Old 7th August 2011, 12:25 AM   #262
1heartbrokenlady
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Re: help needed- i'm heartbroken

hello chosen

Luckily i don't see her often. My sister has probably mentioned something at work and may be there's been a bit of gossip. My sister supported me a lot earlier in the year, and was coming to see me quite often, i expect that's how this woman has got to know. I'll tell my sister what she said, she will be horrified, and knowing my sister as I do she'll tell her to keep her opinion to herself.

I told my mum that we won't be going to the wedding, I said that we couldn't attend and explained why. My mum said that she understands how i feel. She sighed and said that his ex wife hadn't been too good at all, apparantly my step sister had told my mum this. She also told my mum that she overheard one of the children say that he hated her (my step sister). The poor lad was escorted back to his mother's because my step sister wouldn't allow him to remain at their home that day, and he's not been at all since then.

This has really saddened me chosen. I'm not one for gossip and never have been, and i don't know the lady or their children, but have thought about them ever such a lot. I really wish that their affair hadn't happened, just as i wish that it hadn't happened to us. We have been lucky, we managed to come together again, sadly they haven't been so lucky.

thank you
Sy
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