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Old 28th September 2009, 07:37 PM   #1
chacha
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Any advice to give me with someone who has a kid but dont think that way?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3years now, and he told me a secret a long time ago which i didn't really care about until now. He told me a long time ago before we even knew each other he had a one night stand with his cousins friend (they had no feeligns for each other, no relationship whatsoever) and ended up getting her pregnant. once he found out she was pregnant he didn't do anything with her, not talk to her anything. that girl decided to keep the baby though. he doesn't do anythign for the baby, not talk to the baby or the girl that he had got pregnant...this was maybe 5 years ago (2 years before we got together). he tells me that he doesn't care about that situation and in his mind its as if that situation didn't occur. in his mind he feels as if that didn't happen, and that he doesn't even have a child to begin with. he tells me that he loves me and his most serious relationship and longest relationship was with me. he constantly tells me that he doesn't care about that situation, because i always bring it up to him. he tells me how he doesn't care about what happened, doesn't care to remember that person, doesn't care about that baby, doesn't care to even talk or see the baby, wouldn't help the baby and wouldn't even see or talk to the baby if the baby ends up trying to look for his/her "daddy" later in life. he tells me that he thinks of this situation as NOTHING. he told me that he considers not having a child with anyone else and that when WE have a child of our own he will consider OUR baby as HIS FIRST child. he will consider our baby as his first child, he will treat our child as if it was really his first and he told me that he would tell everyone that this child was his first child (not everyone knows about him having a child with someone else tho). he told me that he will do whatever it takes to show to me that our child will be what he considers his first baby.
the problem is, i know that his actions speak louder than words but its hard to listen to what he says abotu it since i know theres that sad truth lying in the back of my mind. he tells me he doesnt care about that situation and doesn't care about the baby and that in his mind its as if this situation didn't occur, and his actions show it because he doesn't ever talk or bring up this situation. he nevers brings up about him having a kid, he doesn't say anything about this situation Period! when people that knows about this brings it up to him he tells them "what baby? my first baby will be with my girlfriend (me) when shes ready". he tells me people that which is sweet...but the thing is, even if he is sayign and doing these things its hard for me to let loose of the fact that he does have a kid with someone else. even tho he doesn't pay child support for this kid, doesn't do anything to deal with this kid--its just hte fact that he does have a kid to begin with! he tells me that he'll consider our baby as HIS FIRST BABY but in the back of my mind i know thats not the truth
how should i feel about all this? how can i try and "forget" about this situation?? what can i do to remember that he doesn't care abotu this situation, doesn't care about that baby, doesn't even care to remember that situation or bring it up, and that he will consider our baby as his first child? what are some advices u guys can me considering that this happened? i know it happened because he was honest with me about it, but i just dont know how to deal with it or let go of the fact that this happened. he told me i should just act as if he isn't even a father to someone else because he doesn't even feel or act as if he is a father to anyone because he has NEVER ever met the baby, doesn't even know the name of the baby or anything, never talked to the baby or the baby mama after the incident, he just doesn't care about this situation and what happened at all...he told me that there were noooo feelings involved so i should just let it go. from what i found out (since thats his cousins friend-) the baby mama found a guy that acts as the father role for the baby so i shouldnt even worry because its as if the guy was the father because he was there for hte baby since she was pregnant. so my boyfriend told me i shouldn't worry because now its as if he wasn't a father to begin with because the baby already has a father role and even if the baby didn't have a father role daddy he wouldn't even budge to be the father role because he doesn't care about this situation adn the baby., he told me that if he could go back into time he would undo what happened..
but because this already happpened hwo should i try to let go of the fact that this happened? what can i do or what can i always think about to forget as if it never happened??
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Old 29th September 2009, 05:00 PM   #2
clockwork orange
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Re: Any advice to give me with someone who has a kid but dont think that way?

I should certainly be concerned that he doesn't take any responsibility for his actions.
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Old 30th September 2009, 12:39 PM   #3
chacha
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Re: Any advice to give me with someone who has a kid but dont think that way?

well when the girl found out she was pregnant he did tell her that he wasn't going to take any responsibilities because he wasn't ready to be a father and wouldn't want to father someone with a girl he barely knew since it was a one night stand. he told her that he wanted her to get an abortion but the girl wanted to keep it for herself and because her family wanted her to have that baby because they didn't believe in abortions. she even told my bf that its ok that he wouldn't take responsibilities since he did tell her that he wasn't going to take any responsibilities and didn't want her to keep the baby and wanted her to get the abortion even though he said all this she insisted on keeping it so it was her fault. he told her what he was going to do about that situation but the girl insisted on keepign the baby so she decided to take full responsibility of it...
another thing i can think about is---how do we really know its his? what if she had many other one night stands,, obviously if this one night stand occurred she probably could have been through many others. she probably had other one night stands before him or after him and maybe he was the recent one she had it with before she found out she was pregnant and pointed fingers and said he was daddy? she didn't even take any paternity test to see who really was the father so we really don't know. but she insisted it was from him so we still dont really know ?
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