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Old 21st February 2015, 07:04 AM   #1
Faithless
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I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and I love him with all my heart as I thoroughly believe he does me but he has a real problem. My mother was a divorcee and always taught her daughters that if you want to keep your husband, keep him happy in bed. It worked for 36 years with my first husband but then he died. When I met my new husband (I'll call him Bob), I couldn't believe that such love could come along so late in life and he is so amazing. He has always attended church more faithfully than I have and appeared to be such a real Christian. However, I have begun to realize in the last couple of years that he is a porn and masturbation addict. The first time I discovered it, I confronted him about it, he agreed to speak to an associate pastor at my church. and he did go. He said he read the book the pastor recommended. I don't know if he did or not. Since then, I have found hidden porn and walked in unexpectedly to find him masturbating. I now believe it's something he's done all his life and it has grown to the extent that man/woman sex porn is not enough. I've seen that it's all sorts of illicit sex. Thank God that I've found no child pornography or I'd be out of here now. He loves me incredibly and is so good to me but, it seems he's not going to quit; it seems he just gets sneakier with it. We've discussed it openly repeatedly and he will boldly lie to me but when I give him the proof that I know what he's doing, he'll admit it and says he'll stop. I pray for us constantly and have fasted over this but I don't see an end. I know God can work miracles with a persons heart but they have to want it. I know how perversion grows and that's why his lusts have reached the point of the bisexual stuff. I have grandchildren and now am afraid to trust him around the younger. I truly don't believe he's reached the point of being a threat yet but in ten years or so, we could be great-grandparents and how bad would his lusts be by then? I am so needing prayers and advice.
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Old 21st February 2015, 09:18 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

There is a real problem there Faithless. How bad does he want to be delivered? I reckon he will need proper christian counseling. One can not always get this in a church. I go to a place in the UK where they go into your history and find the roots of these things. They even go into your generational line in case something was passed on from your forbears and of course there are spirits to deal with. These things thrive in secret but can be dealt with when it is confessed. One of the leaders in the place I go to openly confessed that he was a porn addict but had become healed. He even runs days teaching on pornography. I can't see anything less than that is going to get your husband delivered. He has to start on that road somehow as it won't go away on it's own especially as he seems to have a long history of it.
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Old 21st February 2015, 09:21 AM   #3
chosen
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

A lady who came here some time ago said that it was only when she actually said that it was the porn or her, and meant it, that he stopped. She had tried everything before that. Which goes to show that men can stop if they have enough to loose. Like any addiction you can stop it if you really want to enough. By not acting, you are enabling him to carry on. There is no way that I would put up with my husband looking at porn, it brings in all sorts of evil into the marriage, into your sex life, and into the whole family. It will also be deeply damaging his relationship with God because the Holy Spirit wont hang around if a man is doing this and he is also repeatedly cheating on you with women, (and men it appears).

Its unlikely he will stop unless you act. You will need to be firm and spell out what you want or you will leave. So for example, you want full and open access to all of his on line and phone accounts. You want him to only use the computer in a public room of your house where you will be. You install porn blocker programmes on the computers, and dont tell him the passwords. You want him to meet with 1 or 2 mature godly men at the church on a regular basis for accountability. If he doesn't stop you will leave him. I know women who simply put up with their husbands porn use but never make a stand. Many wont stop unless they know they will lose their wives and families.

I also know of a Christian man who started looking at porn, which meant that he wanted to see worse and worse things(which is what happens), eventually getting onto child porn. Sadly he ended up abusing a small girl he and his wife were looking after for the afternoon. So many lives were devastated and crushed.

I also know two women personally whose marriages ended due to porn use. One asked him several times if he looked at porn before they married, because like me she would never put up with her husband doing this, and he said no. 2 weeks after they married she discovered that he had been looking at it for many years and still was, so he had married her under false pretences. They are now divorced. She felt she could never trust him again. The other man was watching porn with his tiny children in the same room when his wife was out. He went on to actually meeting women and having sex with them. He more or less lost his children, only being permitted supervised access for 2 hours a week.

Its also very troubling that he constantly lies to you.

Last edited by chosen; 21st February 2015 at 10:13 AM.
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Old 21st February 2015, 09:38 AM   #4
Dave
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

Can I suggest you and he take a look at some of the resources at www.nakedtruthproject.com, www.paulahall.co.uk and www.xxxchurch.com where you may find some help.

Sadly this is a common (and growing) problem both inside and outside the church.

Dave
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Old 21st February 2015, 04:13 PM   #5
Faithless
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

Thank you all so much for your quick responses and moral support. Last night, as we were going to bed, I found his reading glasses and a throw were on the bed. I have to admit I found out how bad it was a couple of weeks ago when, from work, I was using the home security camera to see if he was awake yet. There he sat, in his reading chair with his pants down and a book of porn in his hand. It was all I could do not to throw up and break into tears right there at work. I didn't say anything for a week or so to see how bad it was and it was almost every day, sometimes twice. I didn't tell him how I knew but asked him to look me in the eye and deny it. He did. My heart fell. How easily he lied to me. He threw away the book he was reading and agreed to listen to two sermons by John MacArthur on porn. We prayed together (well, I did). And I thought maybe he would quit. However, when I saw the throw and his reading glasses on the bed last night, I lost it. Maybe they were there for the simple reasons he gave but I have no faith in him. I will see if he will go to the resources Dave mentioned for help. Again, thank you and please pray for us. Other than this issue, it is such a beautiful relationship.
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Old 21st February 2015, 05:22 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

If its pornographic books/mags he is looking at why not just get rid of them?
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Old 21st February 2015, 05:30 PM   #7
Faithless
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

I'm not retired until May and he is retired. He has it easy hiding the porn from me. When I confronted him about the one I saw him with on the security camera, he said he threw it in a dumpster where he volunteers because he wanted it far away. Before I confronted him, I checked his truck and found a book behind the seat. Like an idiot, I confronted him with it too and then threw it in the trash but can't be sure it stayed there when I went to work the next day. There will always be more to be bought (which shows premeditated intent) and more places to hide them.

Last edited by Faithless; 21st February 2015 at 07:19 PM. Reason: grammar
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Old 21st February 2015, 07:23 PM   #8
chosen
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

As I said you may need to give him an ultimatum. The porn or you.
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Old 21st February 2015, 08:37 PM   #9
Raymond
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Re: I think my husband is a porn and masturbation addict

Lets hope he uses the resources that Dave mentioned.

Does he use the internet as well?
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