Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 5th May 2010, 09:16 AM   #1
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Separation

Thought I'd better start a new thread as New Start didn't seem quite right now.

Quick update, booked my first solicitor appointment for next Tuesday. I feel a bit scared still but mostly quite calm, like I know I'm doing the right thing. Having awful headaches though and I think it's all the tension at home and worry about my boys. Need to stop thinking about it all the time but it's quite hard.

Love Yoga
xx
  Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2010, 01:05 PM   #2
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Separation

Knowing you are doing the right thing is the essential thing Yoga and if you have that the rest will fall into place. The alternative is to stay as you are. Do you want this? Of course you don't and therefore your positive energy has to be saved in sorting out the future. It is natural to worry but if you are doing the right thing you needn't. Each day you will have the strength for that day but not for tomorrow. You will have that at the time you need it. Of course you can plan and be concerned but worry and fear can rob you of the strength you need and are counter productive. I know you know this in your head. I know it is easy to say and you are facing a very traumatic period but the principles still hold true.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2010, 01:26 PM   #3
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: Separation

Good luck yoga, it's a tough road but so worthwhile I think. I've just reached settlement today I think! My x on his honeymoon, and we are still in the process of settlement lol.
It's been a tough tough year, but I have to say I feel the better person for it, and consequently my kids have the benefit of a better more rounded mum in the process. Your boys will reap the same benefit. It did them no good to see you living as you were Yoga, they deserve a happy fullfilled mum just as much as you deserve to be happy and fulfilled and appreciated for the wonderful person that you are. xxx
When they recount their happy childhood/adolescent'/ or early manhood memories it was never going to be tales of mortgage belt security was ? now at least they can have proud memories of the woman that was and is their mum, the proud, independent strong woman that you are xxx
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th May 2010, 10:53 PM   #4
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Angry Re: Separation

Thanks for your replies Raymond and Georgie.

I know you're right and I know I'm doing the right thing, I've never felt so certain of it. I think once I see the solicitor and things start rolling, I'll feel better. Also because H knows nothing about it, the tension is unbearable, we just talk if we have to, it's horrible.

My son took his first exam today and thinks he did well so it's all worthwhile, putting up with it all, hopefully the 2 months will fly by til the end of June when exams are finished.

I've booked myself a haircut before my sister's wedding and I've got the wedding itself to look forward to. Just planning lots of things to keep me occupied and take my mind off things really.

When I wasn't feeling well last week, H offered to make a meal. I was upstairs with the boys and he called to say it was ready. When we went down, he'd only made enough for 3 and put 3 plates out and I knew straightaway that he hadn't planned on making anything for me. That only justifies to me that I'm making the right decision because it's such a petty thing to do but that's what he's like.

Anyway, no more negative thoughts, only positive ones allowed. I'm doing lots of yoga and breathing exercises so hopefully that will help my state of mind.
xxxxxx
  Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2010, 09:48 AM   #5
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: Separation

How selfish and bloody childish of him Yoga !

I started divorce proceedings against ex husband while we still lived in the same house , it was very uncomfortable ! In a strange kind of way though it did eventually improve his behaviour, because I think for the first time it made him look at the way he'd been acting and see that I'd seriously had enough. I divorced him for " unreasonable behaviour " He at first totally opposed that , but each time he did anything unreasonable after he received the first papers it pulled him up short. He was never violent but his attitude toward me was appalling and gradually he started to see that . Sadly all too late as nothing was going to change my mind, we'd been together almost 18 years by then, and married almost 13 years . If he hadn't changed in all that time, I could see he wasn't going to.

I think you reach a point where you know you've done everything you can and you start to realize you deserve better . I'm sure the yoga and breathing exercises will benefit your state of mind no end.

Good luck with everything and I hope your son does brilliantly in his exams !

Helen x
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2010, 10:57 AM   #6
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Separation

Thanks Helen.

I can't decide whether it would be better for both of us if I tell him what I'm planning because living like this is really uncomfortable as you said. It might make his attitude better or ten times worse so I just don't know what to do for the best. Obviously my son's exams is the most important thing right now so don't want to make him aware of any tensions.

Finding it hard just going about my daily routine at the moment, wish I could get rid of the aching in my body and my headaches but I think that's the tension!!

xx
  Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2010, 11:16 AM   #7
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: Separation

Hi Yoga.. I think if you can manage it , definitely leave it til after your son's exams.. but only if you can cope with the stress yourself.

It is an unpredictable situation so you won't know how he's going to react ( your H I mean ) , but I think by June you might find it's just as difficult to keep quiet. I told my H straight away, having visited a solicitor , but only because he was behaving unbearably and I couldn't stand it any longer, he'd thrown his wedding ring at me, having first started one of his pointless arguments, and it took the wind out of his sails when I calmly removed mine and told him I agreed , the marriage was indeed over ! It was just another example of one of his childish tantrums over nothing !

I think you'll find the right time will present itself , until then, look after you ( treat yourself to a massage, works wonders for tension ! ) and if you can, keep busy ( I know you always are anyway ! ) and try to find some little treats to keep you going.

You've done the hardest bit, making the decision , at least now if your H puts you down or is offensive you can know inside it's not for much longer.

Big hugs for you.
xxx
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2010, 11:41 AM   #8
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Separation

Think you're right, I'm gonna try and keep quiet til end of June. At the moment, he's very quiet, not argumentative so that's alot easier to live with. It's weird that he's not mentioned anything about me being distant, he's just distanced himself from me aswell rather than discuss it. I'd like us to remain 'friends' for boys sakes but we'll see how that goes.

Thanks for your advice, it's really helping at the moment.
xxxxxxx
  Reply With Quote
Old 6th May 2010, 10:58 PM   #9
Wedgewood
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 476
Re: Separation

Hey gorgeous, I am soooo proud of you. You have taken some massive steps recently and they are definately in the right direction. I agree with helen, best to keep quiet untill the exams are over. Your son doesnt need any major distractions right now, but only if you are not under too much strain.

I will check in on your thread from time to time as I cannot contact you any other way.

Stay strong and stay beautiful.

Mark x
Wedgewood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th May 2010, 12:54 PM   #10
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Separation

It's must be difficult being in a marriage where the other does not know what's coming. I would imagine it's better when he doesn't behave in that situation rather than being nice. You have been faithful and if divorce has to happen at least it is not happening through adultery. I don't think you can do it any better than that Yoga. The grounds reflect on him and not someone else.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th May 2010, 10:31 PM   #11
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Separation

Hey Mark you're back!!!! I thought you weren't using the forums any more, it's so nice to hear from you. I hope you're ok.

Thanks Raymond. I'm doing ok, actually looking forward to my solicitor appointment on Tuesday. Got lots on at the moment to keep me busy so that's good.

I still feel deep down like I'm doing the right thing, I know it's going to be hard and I've got a lot to cope with over the next coming months but hopefully it'll be ok. I feel better, headaches are gone, think I actually had a cold or something.

Best wishes to everyone.
xxxxxxxx
  Reply With Quote
Old 2nd June 2010, 04:34 PM   #12
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Separation

Hello everyone, bit of an update .... been to the solicitors, started things rolling, H now knows and is seeing a solicitor tomorrow. He didn't take the news well, was hysterical for a whole weekend, I've never seen anyone cry like that, I really felt for him and my boys as they witnessed the whole thing. He actually read out the letter from my solicitors to our boys, thinking it was a joke !

When the crying stopped, he took my car keys off me, cancelled my name on the insurance, and turned nasty. He's since apologised but it made me even more certain I was doing the right thing. I'm now using my mum's car as cycling everywhere was wearing me out. He emptied both accounts out and made them overdrawn, changed the password on the computer which I one of the reasons I haven;t been on here in such a long time. I've spent the last couple of weeks closing joint accounts, re-directing my mail, trying to get my own car fixed, re-arranging direct debits, filling out solicitor forms, going to work, trying to get Matt through his exams, it's a wonder I'm still here in one piece quite frankly.

The boys both cried and Will blamed me for a while for making his dad so upset but I think they're coping brilliantly, they've not missed any school/college. I'm trying to still be the same fun mum I was before which isn't always easy.

The finances are getting sorted, I feel like I'm getting somewhere, I'm still focussed on what I'm doing and know I'm doing the right thing. I'm still scared about where I'll live in the future and if I'll have my boys with me but I'm just going with it each day.

For those I speak to on facebook, I haven't told any of you that I met someone at my sister's wedding reception, I've seen him a couple of times. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Am I still gonna see him? Yes. We're getting on well and he's helping me get through this mess that I'm in. H has asked me if there's anyone else involved but I've told him no because telling him the truth won't help me in the divorce. We have officially split up even though we're still living together but I do feel guilty and wish I could've met this man a few
  Reply With Quote
Old 2nd June 2010, 04:42 PM   #13
yogamad
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Separation

Oops, had to quickly send post as son came into the room.

Where was I ...... yes, wish I could've met this man a few months down the line but I'm just taking things as they come and will see what happens. All my family know about him and are behind me 100% as they just want to see me happy.

Told everyone at work and they've all been so supportive, my family and close friends are pleased that I've finally made the decision to divorce.

Facebookers, I've not mentioned other man or split on there as there are still alot of people who don't know yet and I don't want it to be public knowledge just yet so if you don't mind I'll just make the odd comment on someone else's profile to let off some steam if I'm having a bad day.

Having a bit of a bad day today where I feel a bit low but all in all I'm coping pretty well I think.

Lots of love
Yoga
xxxxxx
  Reply With Quote
Old 2nd June 2010, 08:06 PM   #14
mdmquincy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 125
Re: Separation

Hey Lisa--
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. It does look like the trend is looking up for you. Boys are learning to handle the situation; husband is too. I know you are anxious to find some healing space, and I hope that for you.

Love and hope,
J
mdmquincy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd June 2010, 02:00 PM   #15
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: Separation

Hi Yoga, I'm so happy for you, I know you've had a few rough days, but I'm so certain you're doing the right thing. As for the new man, he really has absolutely nothing to do with your decision to end your marriage and as such I dont think can be considered as 'another party' in the divorce. I hope that works well for you, but take your time, take it easy and take some time to be you ... you wont believe all the things you've forgotten about you!! I can assure you that. xxx
Thank goodness you had such forsight re. bank accounts etc. I'm going to post something on my thread now in relation to that. Your husband is a mean spirited, selfish and spiteful man in my opinion, and you will be so so so much happier away from him.
xxxx
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:24 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer