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Old 29th June 2007, 10:34 AM   #1
lukibi
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 19
Courage At Last

Dear Friends, I have been away for a long time. Bet When I needed you most. After denial from my husband about his affair and claiming it was workplace rivarly(for close to 9 months), the truth came out. Yes he has been having an affair with a single 30 year old workmate!! Both are in police force (though civilians)and this left me with no one to report to. My H is senior and knows every top cop. ( I felt so cowed and was scared of possible harassment to me and the kids if I did somethig drastic)
However last sat I finally gathered courage to park and leave with our 2 sons. I left most of our earthely stuff in the house!!!
I have been through plan A for last 4 months. The better I treated him, the more cruel he became to me especially emotionally.
He went back to the hse on mon to find no-one.( seems to have work outside town or seminars from friday afternoon to Mon mornings????) Now he is calling and threatening to come pick the kids and sue for child custody. I have refused to reply his sms and this seems to be making him mad!!( I do not want to be involved in useless exchanges again).
Last nite he sent an sms to say that he would be seding divorce papers on Mon, after 45 min he send another sms saying that he was missing me and was sorry for what he said.
What makes me mad this morning was he sent an sms claiming that I am cooking up the story and that there was no affair!!!
Can anyone explain to me what sydrome this is?
I am staying in an apartment with my kids. If he really was interested in finding out where we are, he has the connections. I hope he does not follow us!!! Mike 56, you always told me to trust my instincts,Gosh you were so right!!
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Old 30th June 2007, 02:32 PM   #2
callow
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Re: Courage At Last

Hi Lukibi

I am very sorry to hear your news.

Your husband is going through what so many others have done - a mid life crisis. He is not happy so blames it all on you. One minute he wants to be with you, the next he doesn't. He really doesn't know what he wants.

The best you can do is look after yourself, which sounds like you doing. You are now in control of your life.

All the best and well done on having the courage to leave him.

Sally
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Old 30th June 2007, 03:55 PM   #3
Coffeebean
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Re: Courage At Last

i'm so sorry that you are struggling with this. Its amazing how they always keep changing their story in accordance with what they want.

How are your lads taking it? How old are they? I pray that you are protected during this time.

Sally how are things going at your end?
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Old 3rd July 2007, 10:37 AM   #4
lukibi
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 19
Re: Courage At Last

Thanks guys. My babies are 2.5 and 3 and 10 months. The dad stole my older baby from kindergarten yesterday. I moved to court to seek urgent legal custody of the children. I live in the heart of Africa where big shots in government can do anything!! Just pray for me and wish me well. We are sheduled for an urgent hearing this afternoon.Now you know why it was real courage for me to do what I did.
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Old 3rd July 2007, 10:56 AM   #5
lukibi
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 19
Re: Courage At Last

Hey Does Mdlife Crisis Occur At The Age Of 38????? Just After All Of A Sudden A Man Starts Earning More Money Or What? Actually One Issue Has Been That He Felt Since I Earned More Then Him, He Felt I Was Trying To Control Him. I Treated Him All Along Like A King Even When I Was Earning More Than Him. I Just Do Not Seem To Get It!!
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Old 4th July 2007, 07:04 AM   #6
AnnieP
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Re: Courage At Last

Lukibi. Wow, you have been strong! I am full of admiration for you. My H's mid life crisis has also just obviously kicked in: Age 39.
Is there research on this somewhere? I thought it was one big joke, but the more I speak to people about it, the more it seems to be a fact!
Good luck with the hearing.
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Old 4th July 2007, 08:25 AM   #7
Lauz
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 59
Re: Courage At Last

My husband is 31 and going though his crisis. Here are some things I have read on the web:

http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=125
http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/tt/t-articl/midlife.htm
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/B...ife+crisis.htm
http://www.armchairadvice.co.uk/rela...mon/crisis.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-life_crisis
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Old 4th July 2007, 10:56 AM   #8
lukibi
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 19
Re: Courage At Last

Thanks Lauz andAnniep, hearingwas post poned till this afternoon. I am really hoping for the best.
My H sent an sms acknowledging that actually he has been involved in the affair and that I forgive him. however with the roller coasters of being good and next minute threatening and distabilizing the kids, I think it is best if I ge custody of the kids and live separately for some time. I want to give him time to sort himself up. I do not want a confussed man anymore. I hope I am not being too harsh. I also need time off from all this, to heal and concentrate on my kids for some time. They are already showing signs of anxiety disorders.
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