Lukibi,
Hi and welcome to the board. I am really sorry that you are here under what must be pretty unpleasant circumstances.
Some people say that if a woman suspects something is going on with her man, most of the time her instincts are spot on. I don't mean to cause you more distress but there are a number of circumstantial and direct things that have happened that lend weight to your suspicions:
- You had a gut feeling last year that your husband was cheating
- You then received the first anonymous (though cryptic) text
- A week later, you received another anonymous text apologising for the first text and saying it was sent in error
- Then you received the phone call, from the same number that the anonymous texts were coming from
The first question I would have asked myself, after receiving the second text, was if that first text was sent to you in error, where did the sender get your mobile number from to send the second text?
The second question I would have asked is what provoked the sender to send that second text?
Despite your husband's protestations, I think you are right to worry about what is going on here. I don't think he is being honest with you about the nature of his working or other relationship with this woman. I obviously cannot go so far as to say he is having an affair - only he knows that. But there are a lot of suspicious, circumstantial and factual things going on here, most of which add up to something. I am not sure what.
The facts are, he knows this woman and, somehow, she has managed to get hold of your SMS number. They would have to be awfully close work colleagues for this to happen. Your husband needs to explain how this happened. Furthermore, he needs to elaborate on this 'workplace rivalry' that he has alluded to. I have been the victim of workplace rivalry myself and have seen it in action with others. I have never yet heard of workplace rivals contacting a spouse of a rival to insinuate there is cheating going on. Why would a workplace rival be texting you to allude to the fact that he is chasing her? Most of the time, workplace rivals will try to destroy a person within the workplace, not in their homes.
And then there is the matter of the second SMS. Why did this person text you? And don't you think it was a bit convenient for them to text you after you confronted your husband for the second time? The timing says something happened that prompted this woman to send that second text. If I were you, I would contact her and ask her to explain her latest allegations in the face of that second text.
Little of this makes any sense but it does, in totality, look incredibly fishy.
Regarding the sex - I don't know if I would stop having sex with your husband but I would recommend that you get yourself screened at a well woman/STD clinic to make sure everything is okay. In the meantime, you need to get to the bottom of what is going on here. Since you are getting a stream of denials from your husband, I think you need to speak to this woman again. Send her a text asking her to call you since you cannot contact her yourself. Then ask her to recount what has been going on, from start to finish again. Ask her to explain why she sent that second text if what she is saying is true. If she says that she was threatened in some way, ask her about it. What did he threaten her with, exactly? Then, ask yourself if what she is saying sounds as though it might be true, especially in the light of your gut instincts. If you think it might be, ask her if she has anything to prove what she is telling you.
She might be worried about the implications for her career but if her allegations of harrassment and worries about his seniority are true, your husband is abusing his position and you need to let him know that that is not on. Not only for her sake but for you too.
I do hope that there isn't anything going on though - for you and the kids.
Do take care,
Helen