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Old 11th May 2016, 08:24 PM   #1
ralfgarnett
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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An open apology to Chosen.

Dear Chosen, I want to express in the strongest possible terms just how very sorry I am with regards my recent totally unacceptable behaviour towards you a few weeks ago, my behaviour and the manner in which I addressed you was so wrong and ill mannered in every conceivable way and there is no excuse for it whatsoever.'

I am truly very sorry and I promise you, all fellow members, and the moderators that nothing like that will ever happen again I give you all my word on that, in fact to be totally honest I wouldn't of blamed the moderators one bit had they banned me out right it would of been the least I deserved.

I am not making any excuses as there are none applicable, but I just don't know what is up with me at the moment I seem to keep stumbling from disaster to disaster and feel in almost free fall emotionally, this entire situation has obviously damaged me so badly to the point that at times I don't even recognise myself at times I feel like I have had the old me ripped out and it has been replaced by a very badly damaged version that I neither like nor recognise at times.

I am currently back in therapy at the moment, lets hope it works because I obviously need something , I am truly very very sorry Chosen and I mean that with every sincerity and from the bottom of my heart for my appalling behaviour towards you, I wasn't brought up like that and I don't live my life like that and never have done, if my parents were looking down from heaven they would of been as ashamed of me as I am of myself.

Once again I apologise unreservedly and I am truly very sorry for my appalling behaviour and I would be grateful if you could find it within yourself to forgive me for the terrible way I spoke to you, nobody deserves that it's just not civilised or correct on any level, I need to practice what I preach, if you can forgive me I would be very grateful, but if you can't then I fully understand and respect your decision totally, I am not doing this to get a reaction I am doing it as I feel it is the correct thing to do to try to put right a wrong that has nagged at me ever since, I would like to add at this stage that this is not about easing my conscience and neither have I been coerced in to writing this by anyone, I sought permission from the moderators directly and they kindly allowed me this space of which I appreciate.

For fear of repetition, once again I am truly very sorry for my unjustifiable and totally unacceptable behaviour towards you Chosen, I am both deeply ashamed and disgusted with myself and I know I let everyone down, therefore I apologise unreservedly.

Yours sincerely
Ralf.


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Old 11th May 2016, 11:30 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Of course I forgive you and thank you for the apology.

Last edited by chosen; 12th May 2016 at 06:36 AM.
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Old 12th May 2016, 10:34 AM   #3
ralfgarnett
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Thank you Chosen, I really appreciate that it means a lot to me, however I still feel so deeply ashamed with myself how could I of been so stupid and disrespectful to a very thoughtful lady that has taken so much time to advise and help me through the toughest time of my life and so many others also, what is wrong with me ?, I am very remorseful and have been praying 4 times or more daily over this and other problems of course and will continue to do so until such time as I feel better about things.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 12th May 2016 at 04:10 PM.
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Old 12th May 2016, 08:34 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

You have been hurt and damaged. Maybe the anger you felt towards me was actually the anger you feel/felt towards your wife?
Try not to keep feeling angry with yourself over this. God will have forgiven you if you have asked Him so its all dealt with now.
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Old 13th May 2016, 12:10 PM   #5
ralfgarnett
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
You have been hurt and damaged. Maybe the anger you felt towards me was actually the anger you feel/felt towards your wife?
Try not to keep feeling angry with yourself over this. God will have forgiven you if you have asked Him so its all dealt with now.
Hi Chosen, since my wife left I have felt severe pain, rejection, betrayal, sadness, confusion, shame, disbelief, grief, loneliness and frustration and probably many other emotions too, but hardly any private anger at all and never once directly towards her in person in any form, the only thing one could consider as direct action was the changing of the door locks but we clarified that at the time and she even agreed that had she been in my position she would of done the same.

My lovely new counsellor asked me if I was angry on Wednesday and a good friend of mine asked me why I'm not fuming angry with her ?, he says I have the right, but I don't feel angry and don't want to feel angry with her I just miss her very much and I cry every day over her loss and the loss of all we shared and enjoyed together.

I believe anger is a negative emotion and can only make one bitter and I don't want to be bitter, I need to grieve and mourn her loss and the death of our marriage and find acceptance which is one of my goals via counselling, in all the years I spent with her I was never angry with her I just cant be angry with her even now, as you have said previously all she has done is exercise her free will of which god allows and she has chosen a different life that doesn't include me, as I have said before I neither like or agree with it but I have no say in the matter not one bit, so I m trying to take control of the things I do have a say in ie, me.

I didn't keep her under lock and key when she was here, she could come and go as she wanted, we both could, I cant be angry with someone who has made a lifestyle choice for her self, I don't agree with it or like it one bit but there is nothing I can do about it and I am not going to get angry over it, I saw her a few weeks ago and I simply gave her a big smile, asked how she and her family were, and we embraced and I gave her a kiss on the cheek, must admit she didn't look well and she has put on weight and her hair is greying more, I asked her to ring me for a chat to which she agreed but I am still waiting, so ................................. ?.

I want to keep the lines of communication open, and I don't want her to feel intimidated in any way, and if I display anger to her then she would see me out of character and it could scare her off, she knows where I am and how to contact me, and she knows she can turn to me for help or advice about anything if ever she needs me, I will never turn my back on her and I feel no resentment towards her in any way and she knows all this, you see even though she has hurt me, I still love her with all my mind, body, and soul, and I pray every day that god watches over her and keeps her safe and well, and maybe one day in his benevolence maybe he could show us the way back to reconciliation of some kind, but we will see, guilty of blind faith, hope, or plain stupidity ? only time will tell.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 14th May 2016 at 02:58 PM.
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Old 13th May 2016, 09:39 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

When you saw your wife was anything said about the future? As for suicide, think of your parents, is that what they would want for you? You have got through the worst by far now.
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Old 14th May 2016, 03:09 PM   #7
ralfgarnett
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Talking of suicide is just plain stupidity on my part, not to mention disrespectful to people such as yourself that have been berieved and have suffered great sadness due to losing a loved one, I am very sorry and I have edited it out, I wouldn't have the guts anyway, and I want to see how Lancashire CCC get on in the County Championship Div 1, I told her we needed to talk and she agreed but I'm still waiting, oddly though I bumped in to my brother-in-law in town earlier and he was really pleased to see me and gave me a hug and nearly shook my hand off, this is the one she is living with, naturally I asked how he, his brother and his mum were and asked him to give them my love and best wishes, but I didn't mention her one bit, it was good to see him as I haven't seen him since before this happened, and I kept my dignity in every respect which I was very proud of, maybe there is some of the old me inside, and then I bumped in to some neighbours from when I lived at my parents and they both gave me a big hug too, that was nice really nice, but they never asked about her, if they had I would of made something up, I'm a rubbish liar but I am too ashamed to disclose this situation to too many people, I can only talk about it anonymously like this and with very close friends too both male and female I'm ok with that, and also my dishy, sexy new counsellor grrrrrrrrr.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 15th May 2016 at 11:32 AM.
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Old 8th February 2017, 02:14 PM   #8
ralfgarnett
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Re: An open apology to Chosen.

Well it's happened.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well the last thing I ever expected to happen has done so, she has filed for divorce on the 2 year separation grounds, and on a no fault basis, wants nothing from me in any respect, nothing from the house, no money, nothing at all, even paying all the legal fees, so it looks like the real end of the road for a 22 year relationship, and nearly 20 years of marriage, feel a bit numb and shocked, seeing my solicitor this week just to double check my situation, but I'll tell you one thing and it's simple, never ever again will I give my heart to anyone, I could never go through all this again, I have never knowingly put a foot wrong in our marriage, and neither have I done one single thing that a husband shouldn't do in a marriage, not one, as I said never ever again.
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