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Old 19th March 2017, 04:38 AM   #1
Seren
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
How to move on

Two weeks ago I found out my husband of 12 years has been having an affair. It's been going on for almost a year. To say I'm devastated is an understatement. They have completely ripped my world apart. I haven't been eating or sleeping and my work has suffered.
Since then I have tried desperately to make things work between us but he isn't interested.
When he returned from being with her today we had a huge argument and both said things I'm sure we didn't mean but things that can never be forgiven.
Every time I close my eyes all I can see is them together.
We live in a rented property and money is tight so neither of us can move until the end of the tenancy in August. She won't allow him to move in with her.
As I sit here now, although I'm struggling I do accept our marriage is over.
I am going to try my hardest to steer clear of him, but I know what I'm like. I'm going to find it difficult not talk/shout/scream at him.
My emotions have been like a roller coaster and I don't know how to move on. I feel like I want to sit in the house just so I can monitor when he goes out and comes back but on the other hand I know that will do me no good.
I feel guilty because despite everything I still love him.
I'm worried about my future, the security, finances but most of all I am worried I will never love again.
I know it's still raw but any advice on how I deal with this would be appreciated.
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Old 20th March 2017, 07:28 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,746
Re: How to move on

Seren I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering, its a terrible betrayal.
I am not sure how you will be able to live together with him for another 5 months while he is seeing her still. Is there any way one of you can go and live with a member of your family or a friend?
Its such early days, and I am not at all surprised that you feel like shouting and screaming at him, who wouldn't.

In some ways its even worse than if he had died, because you also have the betrayal to deal with, and these things take such a long long time to heal from, accept and move on from.

Not sure if its any comfort, but relationships that start with one or both cheating rarely last, but if he is determined to go off down the path that will lead to his destruction, that's his choice.

We are in our second marriage after we both were divorced after long first marriages. His wife cheated and my husband did something even worse if that were possible. My marriage ending was as sudden as yours, but I told him to leave and he went to stay with a friend.

I can only say that we have a very happy 11 year marriage so I can confirm that you can love and trust again after deep betrayal, and that there is life after divorce.
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Old 24th March 2017, 02:33 PM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,383
Re: How to move on

I think eventually you will need to deal with any bitterness that may result in his betrayal. Don't get me wrong, what he did was terrible but an aspect of healing is in forgiveness so that you are free to live your life. Not that it will restore relationship. It won't it seems. This may take time but I don't see an alternative if you don't want this to affect the rest of your life in a negative way.

Part of moving forward is accepting that it has happened and having a funeral for him. This should stop any unecessary depression.
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