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Old 6th August 2010, 03:25 AM   #16
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: Boundaries in marriage

Hi Raymond
Goodness I am not suggesting that either myself nor my husband would ignore anyone who we met on a train or bus that we knew.By travelling together I was thinking more of long distance travelling, or maybe travelling together for a fair time every day.

Affairs in the church, well, my husbands ex was a long time Christian who had an affair and I have known several others. I know a lady whose husband was a Baptist minister who left her for another woman in the congregation. My dad was for a lot of his life a church goer who had an affair for about 8 years(yet again with a woman from work)

In answer to your question, my first husband wasnt a Christian when we married, and I wasnt following God either then. but he did make a committment later, but since our marriage ended about 11 years ago I dont think he has stepped into a church. However his betrayal wasnt through an affair, but something else,even worse that an affair(if that were possible) although I am almost certain that he did sleep with at least one woman after we seperated before the divorce went through.

My pastor told us a few months ago of four Christian marriages that he knew of in in one week where adultery was discovered,and also of a youth pastor that he personally knew who left his wife and 3 small children for a teenager in his youth group. Christians definately need to be just as careful as anyone else I feel, inside the church and out, especially as Satan does loves to destroy a Christian marriage.

Anyway my husband and I have talked and prayed and we have agreed that neither of us will ever eat alone with a member of the opposite sex unless it is absolutely unaviodable. For example, if my husband was eating out with 3 or 4 people in connection with work and one or two had to pull out at the last minute, he may then still go if the remaining person was a woman,if, for example, if it was too late to cancel. Even then it would only be if he knew the woman and knew what she was like. Also if that did ever happen, and it is highly unlikely that it would, he will get in touch with me and tell me. I would never eat alone with another man full stop, whatever the reason, but that is my boundary.

Also we have agreed that if he needs to travel with, or give a long distance lift to, a woman alone, he will tell me before and we will discuss it. If it is unaviodable and last minute,he will also ring me about it. He is more than happy with these boundaries and says that they are very sensible, especially in light of all the family members that we have who have been unfaithful with people form work (including his former wife).
God Bless
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Old 6th August 2010, 08:55 AM   #17
Raymond
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Re: Boundaries in marriage

Yes we all need to be careful. I always think nothing tempts me with regard to affairs but one cannot be sure what is in them if the situation was set up, so we are dependent on God's grace. He will keep us.

I said I have only known one affair out of about five hundred couples in our churches but it comes to mind another where the husband was a kind of peeping Tom a few years ago. Something happened in his childhood and he never ever seemed to get on top of it. The marriage had to end. Three lovely girls and lovely wife. He has since remarried.

It is great how your husband will submit to sensible arrangements. You both seem the stronger after what happened to you both.

Can't think what is worse than an affair but I won't ask. The main thing is that you now have someone who will be faithful and loves God. You have a great future ahead of you together.

Raymond
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Old 6th August 2010, 01:07 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: Boundaries in marriage

Hi raymond
Believe me you DONT want to know what my former husband did, it is horrible. I try to spare most people the gory details.
Thanks for all your replies.
We are having problems work/money wise as my husbands consultancy buisiness has been terribly quiet for over a year now and are praying about what to do next really. We have both had many years of lack in the past (before we knew each other)and I cant believe God wants us to go back there.
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Old 6th August 2010, 01:11 PM   #19
chosen
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Re: Boundaries in marriage

[QUOTE=chosen;56350]Hi raymond
Believe me you DONT want to know what my former husband did, it is horrible. I try to spare most people the gory details.
Thanks for all your replies.

I dont think we always know if there has been an affair if the marriage survives. A couple that I knew many years ago in my last church apparently survived an affair quiet early in their marriage. I only found out this year, and they have been married for well over 30 years now,so I am sure that such things arent always widely known about except to the people closest to them.

Also could you pray,as we are having problems work wise as my husbands consultancy buisiness has been terribly quiet for over a year now and are praying about what to do next really. We have both had many years of lack in the past (before we knew each other)and I cant believe God wants us to go back there.

Thanks Raymond
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Old 6th August 2010, 09:11 PM   #20
Raymond
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Re: Boundaries in marriage

Yes I will pray Chosen. God has a plan and He always meets our needs as He has promised.

Raymond
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