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Old 1st April 2007, 04:43 PM   #1
Just Hoping
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am I eternally bound?

Hey guys

I was wondering if any of you can help, you see I am a christian but my husband just walked out, sent me a text message on valantines day 2006.
Some oy you might say well you had to of done something right!

The church we met in I had later decided it wasnt the one for me and so I joined another church, he hated it and said he needs to be with an adventist girl. personally I think it is a cult and I just needed a closer walk with Jesus.

yes we had a few heated discussions regarding the fact that he never paid any attention to my daughter (of a previous teen relationship) and why in the 2 years we were married he never took me out.

when we first met he didnt have any money and I did all the wining and dining the trips etc but that was cool I loved it, showing him around this country

Yes I know these may seem like petti issues but it really concerned me and the reason I bought them up was because I wanted to solve them and move on .

There was never anything done about the issues I raised and being hurt and not having anyone to help me, I one day I exploded to his cousin over the phone, that He just ignors me and how he hasnt once asked if my daughter needed ( clothes, school shoes etc), I also said he was slow because his excuse was that after 2 years he still needed to get used to the way things are done in this country and that I should of asked if she needed anything, of course his cousin relaid everything I had said back to him and that day he sent me the text to say he wasnt comming back home.

I have called the pastors and made many attempts to re-concile but he just isnt interested. I hate divorce and stand for marriage but what do I do.

Since then he has made no attemp to re concile and my church says I will never be able to re - marry. today is firts day in april 2007, my question is do I divorce and move on maybe another relationship or will I go to hell

Christian friends please help

Last edited by Just Hoping; 1st April 2007 at 04:48 PM. Reason: spelling mistakes and gramma errs
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Old 3rd April 2007, 06:24 PM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: am I eternally bound?

Your husband sounds like an unbeliever. If he is, the bible says that you are not under bondage, let him leave. I know a little about 7th Day Ads. I find they were very legalistic. Many of them from West Indies. If he is commiting adultery with another then you are free as well. But in a sense we are not under legalistic laws but keep the spirit of it through the strength He gives us.

Obviously you need to pray about these things and get God's guidance.

As for being damned if you marry, that is not from God but a lie. Jesus has already saved you if you have put your trust in him. No one can pluck you out of His hand. That is a very unfair thing for your church to say and not very christian to say the least. You are a child of God and will do the right thing because of that , so do not fear. The fear comes from somwhere else and we both know where.

All God expects is for us to live up to the light we have, not someone elses idea of what we should do, although that doesn't preclude getting good advice. Theres a place where he says A bruised reed I will not break or Smoking flax I will not quench. So God would never try to stamp you out, but would encourage the good deep down within you.

It's love you need right now and good advice. Do you not have any good christian friends to fellowship with and pray with over this?

Raymond

Last edited by Raymond; 3rd April 2007 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 11th April 2007, 05:48 AM   #3
Lonely
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Re: am I eternally bound?

Just hoping - The bible states that all you have to do is ask for the forgiveness of God/Jesus and you shall be forgiven. If this goes for the grossest of gross then this would also apply to everyone else. When you married this man was your heart true? If this man now does not have the desire to be with you then there is nothing you can do about it. Ask the Lord for forgiveness and the guidance to get your life back on track. Give the grief and worry to God to fix.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Hoping View Post
Hey guys

I was wondering if any of you can help, you see I am a christian but my husband just walked out, sent me a text message on valantines day 2006.
Some oy you might say well you had to of done something right!

The church we met in I had later decided it wasnt the one for me and so I joined another church, he hated it and said he needs to be with an adventist girl. personally I think it is a cult and I just needed a closer walk with Jesus.

yes we had a few heated discussions regarding the fact that he never paid any attention to my daughter (of a previous teen relationship) and why in the 2 years we were married he never took me out.

when we first met he didnt have any money and I did all the wining and dining the trips etc but that was cool I loved it, showing him around this country

Yes I know these may seem like petti issues but it really concerned me and the reason I bought them up was because I wanted to solve them and move on .

There was never anything done about the issues I raised and being hurt and not having anyone to help me, I one day I exploded to his cousin over the phone, that He just ignors me and how he hasnt once asked if my daughter needed ( clothes, school shoes etc), I also said he was slow because his excuse was that after 2 years he still needed to get used to the way things are done in this country and that I should of asked if she needed anything, of course his cousin relaid everything I had said back to him and that day he sent me the text to say he wasnt comming back home.

I have called the pastors and made many attempts to re-concile but he just isnt interested. I hate divorce and stand for marriage but what do I do.

Since then he has made no attemp to re concile and my church says I will never be able to re - marry. today is firts day in april 2007, my question is do I divorce and move on maybe another relationship or will I go to hell

Christian friends please help
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Old 11th April 2007, 09:33 PM   #4
Just Hoping
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Re: am I eternally bound?

Thank you Raymond and Lonely
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Old 7th October 2007, 10:11 PM   #5
Marverline
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Re: am I eternally bound?

Hi

I too had this dilemma when I remarried. I have been a christian in church,but my marriage was distroyed when my husband had an affair, of which I found out about through the holy spirit. I forgave my husband so that we could put it behind us and move on, but unfortunateley he allowed the spirit of mistrust to come into our lives and started accusing me of having affairs behind his back and spying on me every chance he got. this continued for 10 years of our marriage, and in the endf I coulkdnt take anymore, as I was being spiritually and emotionally distroyed, I kept in the marriage for as long as I could for the sake of our children, but it came to a head were I could no lkonger go on, and so I filled for divorce, as in my heart the marriage was dead, and nothing was left for me. Now 7 seven years later I have remarried and have two more beautifyl chilldren, but I felt that alot of the church people I knew and depended on for support, forsaked me, even my parents as they say you should not remarry unless your husband is dead. As far as i am concerned he is dead, as he killed our marriage and my heart for him.
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Old 7th October 2007, 11:19 PM   #6
danielx
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Re: am I eternally bound?

No one who truly loves you will want your unhappiness, and that is as true of God as of anyone else.

DX
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Old 1st November 2007, 06:52 PM   #7
Raymond
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Posts: 6,409
Re: am I eternally bound?

Whatever the rights and wrongs of it are Maverline we are not called to judge another. Once we get legalistic then love goes out of the window.

All I can say is that God sees what you went through and He knows your weakness. The thing is to go on from where you are forgetting the things that are past and looking forward and pressing on towards the new.

These things can happen with the best will in the world. I know a couple of nationally famous ministers who had to face a break up of marriage. They are both leading amazingly fruitful lives and it is not loving to hold a legalistic set of standards over them when it wasn't us who experienced the situation ourselves.

Life is not perfect and we are called to love not to judge. That is God's prerogative.

Raymond
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Old 17th December 2007, 12:04 PM   #8
Lulu
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Re: am I eternally bound?

Hi Honey

i cannot but cannot believe your pastors!!!! tat is absolute nonsense to say you cannot marry again. The bible says if someone walks out on you or chooses to go off and leave you then you are no longer bound to them. What can you do? he behaved like a child and chose to walk out on the marriage instead of fixing things. No God will not condemn you for getting married again. You tried to reconcile. Its just not worked. Gods on your side and he will not condemn you for remarrying. He knows its not your fault this guy has chosen not to face issues inthe marriage. So if hes not back to you yet, go ahead and start dating prayerfully asking for God's direction. You'll be fine.

All the best!
Lulu!
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Old 17th December 2007, 12:14 PM   #9
Lulu
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Re: am I eternally bound?

Sorry its my first time using this and I don't know if Im posting to the right forum for people to see and assist. See below anyhow.


My husband does not talk much at all. He really is 'nt a communicator. Most times I come home with the most exciting news and Im bursting to tell all and his response is usally cold and non commitall. He goes off to watch telly/football or work on the internet/computer while Im talking to him. I end up feeling like someone has collapsed my bubble of excitement then I shut off too and go read a book quietly. We have no children yet and been married 2 years.

Anyway the end result of this is I have been doing this theology course one day a week just to enhance my bible knowledge. Well I was not going to that course for any other reason other than to learn about God. In the process I have made friends with some Pastors who are on the course. One in particular is excellent at talking to me and listening to what I have to say and sharing so well. I feel Im getting close to this particular one male Pastor. He's also married with 3 children. Nothing has happened at all except we talk loads online, on text and when I see him at college. Im scared that Im getting attracted to him. I find myself looking forward to seeing him and he the same too. He pays exceptional attention to me and helps me with my essays, listens etc. Its soooo refreshing! As I said nothing has happened at all, nothing bad - its just what Im feeling inside. I so wish my husband talked to me, I really do. Why should I seek being listened to outside the marriage?

I know what the scriptures says etc but that does not stop what Im feeling for this guy. I cant even fight the feeling - its as though I were falling in love. I have not acted on the feeling but I certainly have a warm feeling for him inside. I don't think I'd ever leave my beloved husband but I don’t want to be developing feelings for other people when Im married. Its not fair even though no one else is aware of it and no one else can see what is going on inside me. Please help/somebody tell me how to resolve this…. thanks
Lulu

Last edited by Lulu; 17th December 2007 at 12:16 PM. Reason: sign
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Old 17th December 2007, 06:43 PM   #10
Raymond
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Re: am I eternally bound?

You have to be careful Lulu. It is understandable. Your husband is not giving you the understanding and attention you need and there is a gap in you that needs to be filled. Your husband has inadvertantly left this vacuum in you when he should be filling it. He is being lazy and not working at things, or maybe he is just overworking?

I don't know if he is a christian but it is very clear in the bible about living with them (wives) with understanding. All I see in the bible is love, love love your wives as christ loved the church. Unfortunately you cannot do his bit as you have to do your own bit. He can learn from good marriage books and the bible. As you are praying God can work in him. I find that when we do our bit in marriage God does his.

A lot of things come into play but he appears to be a completely different temperment than you are as I am to my wife. You sound like her and I have to understand the way she is. I am/was like your husband, (not football and TV all the time though) more task orientated, activities etc. but one can change. I have.

You see in this pastor what your ideal man should be and your husband falls short. A lot of us do. You have to be extremely careful, especially as you say he (the pastor) is feeling the same. It could be fatal attraction if you are not careful and you don't want that, neither does God. So please make sure your head is screwed on before this thing goes to far. You stand to hurt his wife, his children, your husband and your children, if you have them.

You will learn a lot when this thing is over. The temptation is great, but you do not have to enter into it.

Raymond
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