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Old 19th October 2007, 09:59 PM   #1
Fairly newlywed
Posts: n/a
Being the "bigger person"

I am a Christian woman who has been married less than six months to a Christian man who for the most part is wonderful. However every so often (once or twice a month for three to four days each time) he goes through mood swings in which he withdraws from me, becomes rude and inconsiderate and emotionally deficient. When I ask him if everything is okay his replies are cold and often sarcastic or hurtful before acknowledging he just needs time to himself. I respect his wishes and leave him alone hopeful that it will be to seek or meditate on the Lord but it is only to watch television and eventually fall asleep on the sofa for the night.

I'm definately not a petty individual nor do I feel I am without flaws but his demeanor towards me during those times is extremely hurtful, especially when he tells me that I haven't done anything to deserve being treated like that. I'm constantly in prayer and asking the Lord to heal the hurt and allow me to be the better person and not repay unkindness with unkindness.

After his mood swing is over he apologizes, says he knows he has flaws and please be patient with him. But after a couple of weeks, its the same cycle again. This has been going on since we began courting nearly two years before marriage. He assured me that he was "working on it" and to trust him as he seeked the Lord for guidance. I trusted him, we got married and now it seems to be occurring more frequently.

I've been praying and praying and praying. I know you can't fix my issue but any words or wisdom or encouragement should would help right now.


Fairly newlywed
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Old 23rd October 2007, 08:27 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Being the "bigger person"

I'd get him to go for counseling. Not a marriage counselor but pastoral, maybe at your church. There could be some issues in his life that need sorting, maybe from childhood or even something coming down the line from his parents. A good counselor will know what to look for.

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Old 4th April 2008, 09:24 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 4
Re: Being the "bigger person"

Hi Fairly Newlywed,

If I'm honest, its the other way round in my home, but I put it down to the cycle. But I thought I'd mention it here because I find that for me, I would fold away because I had something troubling me that I really need to talk about that I dont know how to say it but all I really needed was someone to give me space, still be understanding and still smile...eventually i open up!!!!!

Why not give it a go... life is all about understanding, give and take, choose your attitude... when he folds up, just be soooooooooo understanding and loving, you know how he likes you, always have a smile ready for him or his fave meal... maybe when he sees that you're making such an effort, his periods will reduce to minutes :-) I think that is what being the bigger person is all about...

Will be pleased to find out how it goes...
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