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Old 15th April 2009, 08:11 AM   #16
1aokgal
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Re: Being 'kind' to the adultery partner?

Dear Struggling...

Your husband being remorseful means he wants to find his way back to his wife and family. Like most men who stray, he wishes it could be forgotten as if it did not occur. The damage caused to a mates' trust and belief usually means that there will be some time needed to regain the trust and closeness after such a hurtful event.

You describe your husband as "emotionally unintelligent" which seems a very "dominant" female way to look at your husband who, you say, had an overbearing mother. While the OW was available, there were emotional needs not met in the marriage. So whatever problems are in the marriage may still exist unless both desire to seek the root cause of the infidelity. An affair is generally less about sex than a desire to be understood.

Adultery is not a sickness or disease. This is an error in judgment and does not taint the family. Often infidelity is more a desire to be liked and appreciated. When a person makes a mistake and feels very remorseful, there should be forgiveness and a chance to make a happy place again.

An infidelity is not a lifetime stigma nor should the situation "devastate" or concern the grown children who have their own lives. I think no one here has "lurid" ideas" concerning the sad events in a marriage of many years. Most here hope and pray that that this man will have the love and support of his wife to put the incident behind.

There are some very prominent families who survived such events. The wives , in a very classy way, shows she can "stand by her man." Most of these marriages survived and were made stronger. Those are good examples of Christian forgiveness.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 15th April 2009 at 08:24 AM.
 
Old 15th April 2009, 08:34 AM   #17
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Being 'kind' to the adultery partner?

Struggling, this woman has caused you a lot of suffering of this there is no doubt. However she found a weakness that was in your husband. You say he was not emotional intelligent which is another way of saying he was not emotionally mature. This always points to a stunted growth at some time in his childhood. A happening or circumstance beyond which he could not grow emotionally. That problem is still there and he will need healing from that. There are many places in the UK where he can go for that.

You say he is now remorseful about this. I trust you mean repentant as remorse only means you are sorry you got caught. This being the case and with your forgiveness the matter should be at an end. Although one may fall it doesn't mean you have to stay down. Life is now between you and your husband not the other woman and she has no rights whatsoever into both your lives. She did wrong but it seems you have now both recovered. Isn't that the case or is it that you cannot trust him now?

Raymond
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Old 15th April 2009, 08:49 AM   #18
Dave
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Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 1,576
Re: Being 'kind' to the adultery partner?

Dear struggling

I am sorry that some of the replies have continued to cause you pain. I have now closed the thread so that this won't continue.

If you want to unsubscribe completely from 2-in-2-1 please just use the contact us button (left) to drop me a message and I'll do it.

God bless you in your continued fight for your marriage. Our prayers will go with you.

Dave
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