Re: Being 'kind' to the adultery partner?
Dear Struggling...
Your husband being remorseful means he wants to find his way back to his wife and family. Like most men who stray, he wishes it could be forgotten as if it did not occur. The damage caused to a mates' trust and belief usually means that there will be some time needed to regain the trust and closeness after such a hurtful event.
You describe your husband as "emotionally unintelligent" which seems a very "dominant" female way to look at your husband who, you say, had an overbearing mother. While the OW was available, there were emotional needs not met in the marriage. So whatever problems are in the marriage may still exist unless both desire to seek the root cause of the infidelity. An affair is generally less about sex than a desire to be understood.
Adultery is not a sickness or disease. This is an error in judgment and does not taint the family. Often infidelity is more a desire to be liked and appreciated. When a person makes a mistake and feels very remorseful, there should be forgiveness and a chance to make a happy place again.
An infidelity is not a lifetime stigma nor should the situation "devastate" or concern the grown children who have their own lives. I think no one here has "lurid" ideas" concerning the sad events in a marriage of many years. Most here hope and pray that that this man will have the love and support of his wife to put the incident behind.
There are some very prominent families who survived such events. The wives , in a very classy way, shows she can "stand by her man." Most of these marriages survived and were made stronger. Those are good examples of Christian forgiveness.
Last edited by 1aokgal; 15th April 2009 at 08:24 AM.
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