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Old 17th February 2011, 03:43 PM   #1
Shinars Basket Case
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Hair Today...

[First off I apologise if this is posted in the wrong section. I'm new here and haven't 'lurked'. I simply googled 'Xian Marriage forum help' and you were the first hit.]

I have a problem which is killing my marriage. Its a stupid silly little thing but on such things do marriages fail I guess.

The problem is The Bestes Wife In The Whole World's hair.

That's right. Her hair.

I did say it was a stupid problem.

Brothers and Sisters, please bear with me while I explain:

We're of a somewhat 'born in the wrong century' faith, my wife and I both believe that a Xian wife wears her long and covered (think Amish). Unfortunately after the birth of our third son The Very Bestes Wife In The World developed a Post Partum depression that went on to become a full blown screaming psychosis (People, if you take anything at all from this post, please please please never ever put those new mum tears down to 'Baby Blues'!)

The upshot of this is that 1. I do the housework. 2 The Bestes Wife can't bear wearing any kind of head covering.

So although we both believe that a Xian Wife should cover her head, The Bestes Wife doesn't.

Her long hairs get everywhere. Literally. From the fridge to the floor. Even places she has never been, like in my tool box.

Don't get me wrong, she is isn't losing her hair, it seems to be just natural 'moulting'.

When I wipe anywhere then I get hair on my hands, on the cloth and it makes me gag. Everytime it gets worse and I have since developed a complete aversion to hair...any hair...even body hair and now shave not only my face but head as well.

Is there anything The Very Bestes Wife could do to or take to prevent this shedding of hair? Is there anything I can do except pray for strength?
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Old 17th February 2011, 04:48 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Hair Today...

When a women is pregnant she doesn't shed hair, so afterwards she will loose far more than usual, that is normal. As she has long hair that will make it far more noticeable than if a women has short hair like me.(Which shows that I clearly dont believe that a Christian woman needs to have long hair or haircovering)
I do wonder if the problem is with you and not her actually, if you have such an obsession about this and such an aversion to hair that you have to shave your head, you have a REAL problem.
Maybe you need to seek out help, maybe from your doctor?

If it is your wifes hair that you think is making you like this, then the only way to make it much less noticeable is for her to have it short. Honestly nearly every Christian female frined that I have has short hair, and they are very spirit filled and godly ladies, It really isnt necessary to have to have long hair.
The l answewr to your last question is no, there isnt a way that you can stop her sheding hair, it is a natural process which we all do, especially in the months folllowing child birth.
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Old 17th February 2011, 07:16 PM   #3
Shinars Basket Case
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Re: Hair Today...

@ Chosen, thanks for the reply but I should have expressed myself better. The Bestes Wife suffered a Post Partum Psychosis some 19 years ago and hasn't been 'right' since. This isn't the normal after birth hair sheddings.

And yes the real problem is my growing aversion to hair, any hair and anybody's. Yes we are aware that the majority of modern Xian women don't see the necessity to wear long hair/cover up but I wasn't wanting to start a war/passionate debate here about it, it just happens to be integral to our understanding of the NT and I only mentioned it as the obvious answer that The Bestes Wife cutting her hair short isn't a viable option.
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Old 17th February 2011, 08:06 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: Hair Today...

Well if that is the case, you need to go to the doctor and see if he can offer you some advise or help to over come this. You have been married for a long time, so I wonder why this aversion has got worse recently?
Not sure why you said the majority of 'modern' Christian women?I know women of all ages, from many different denominations and none wear hats or head coverings and God blesses them in amazing ways.It is an easy answer to your problem and maybe you need to pray and ask God what He wants your wife to do, because believe me, He isnt bothered what length our hair is in the least. Everyone, including your wife, has their hair cut soemtimes,or they would be tripping over it!
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Old 17th February 2011, 08:29 PM   #5
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Everyone, including your wife, has their hair cut soemtimes,or they would be tripping over it!
Well yes obviously The Bestes Wife In The World does occasionally get her hair trimmed but she gets a little as possible removed (the split ends etc). The bible doesn't forbid hair cutting in toto except (if I recall my basic theology rightly) for Nazerenes. Like I said, cutting her hair short may be the obvious answer but that isn't going to happen, its an important part of her faith. I don't want to start any kind of flame-fest about Xian women and their hair, I'm just asking you (everyone here) to understand that, rightly or wrongly, The Bestes Wife is NOT going to have short hair. She takes those particular bible verses literally. Same way I won't be wearing a hat, skull cap or doo-rag in church any time soon (it always surprises me the amount of Xians who don't know where that particular prohibition comes from and waffle on about knights and armoured helmets).

Yes it is getting worse and thanks to you mentioning it, i am pondering as to why that should be.

PS I said the majority of 'modern' simply because to my certain knowledge very very few congregations of whatever flavour still teach/expect women to have long hair/hair covering. I meant it in no way disparagingly, just a statement of fact. I can think off hand of maybe three or four denominations or 'flavours' where it is still de rigeur. (For example the 'Churches Of God', certain of the 'The Brethren', some of the very very hardcore Neo-Pentecostal too I think).

Last edited by Shinars Basket Case; 17th February 2011 at 08:45 PM. Reason: explaining a remark that might have been taken the wrong way
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:06 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Hair Today...

I am thinking that in the Uk I have never heard of it anywhere. I know two people who go to different Brethren churches and they dont have that rule either.
Also what is long to one isnt to another, so not sure where that leads us. Not sure what you were taking about with men wearing things on their heads, only Jews wear skull caps surely?
As I said before, there isnt anything that will stop anyones hair falling out, its what happens to everyone.
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:15 PM   #7
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Re: Hair Today...

I think the approach to hair is a bit legalistic. Paul does finish that passage saying that if anyone seems to be contentious we have no such custom. He is appealing to nature rather than rules about hair. Maybe she should cut it a little for your health's sake as it seems the legal approach is not working. The passage is really about the marriage relationship. I know that hair is important to a woman and is a glory to her but maybe these hard and fast rules about it are causing needless problems.
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:19 PM   #8
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Re: Hair Today...

Jesus came to set us free from the law and rules and regulations, but we do like to burden ourselves down with them again, and its sad.
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:37 PM   #9
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I am thinking that in the Uk I have never heard of it anywhere. I know two people who go to different Brethren churches and they dont have that rule either.
Also what is long to one isnt to another, so not sure where that leads us. Not sure what you were taking about with men wearing things on their heads, only Jews wear skull caps surely?
As I said before, there isnt anything that will stop anyones hair falling out, its what happens to everyone.
Depends on what you mean by 'The Brethren', its a much used name (for example I didn't mean the Darbyist ones). I was refering to the 'bearded' not the 'moustached' Brethren (ie the 'Exclusive' as opposed to the 'inclusive') although its been several years since I went to one of their services so even they may have changed.
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:48 PM   #10
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I think the approach to hair is a bit legalistic. Paul does finish that passage saying that if anyone seems to be contentious we have no such custom. He is appealing to nature rather than rules about hair. Maybe she should cut it a little for your health's sake as it seems the legal approach is not working. The passage is really about the marriage relationship. I know that hair is important to a woman and is a glory to her but maybe these hard and fast rules about it are causing needless problems.
Personally I find a quick look at an accurate translation of the Koine settles any doubt. (Sorry but I have to use a translation these days as my Koine is now almost nonexistent) but like I said, this isn't about the rights and wrongs about Xian Women's Fashion (one topic guaranteed to split whole congregations).

You may think it legalistic, but it is The Bestes Wife's faith and isn't likely to change anytime soon (Btw The Bestes Wife In The World comes from a Prussian Pietist tradition where even laughter is a sin!)
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Old 17th February 2011, 09:57 PM   #11
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Jesus came to set us free from the law and rules and regulations, but we do like to burden ourselves down with them again, and its sad.
He freed us from the Law or rather from the letter of the Law. However if God says he wants us to behave a certain way or even commands us to live a certain way then its probably a good idea.

That's just my take on it though. Like I said, we're a bit old fashioned about it all.
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Old 17th February 2011, 10:08 PM   #12
Shinars Basket Case
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Not sure what you were taking about with men wearing things on their heads, only Jews wear skull caps surely?
.
If you check your bible you'll find God (via Paul) commands women to cover their heads in church and men to uncover. That's why I mentioned it. Some 'Messianic' Xian men cover their heads. I think the Flying Scrollers do too but don't hold me to that, I do know that they never cut their hair.

Last edited by Shinars Basket Case; 17th February 2011 at 10:09 PM. Reason: Spelling cos i'm a retard
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Old 17th February 2011, 10:32 PM   #13
chosen
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Re: Hair Today...

cant say I have ever seen any men with their head covered in church. The thing is that God does amazing things in churches where no one wears scarfs or whatever.
He heals restores speaks and makes whole, even with women with short hair!!!!I think that women past middle dont suit long hair, but thats just my opinion, and as long as my husband, who is my head, likes my short hair (which he does) and as long as God continues to bless me(which He does) I cant see that He cares a jot about whether my hair is 2 inches, 10 inches or 30 inches. Its the inside that matters and not what style our hair is in.
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Old 18th February 2011, 12:08 AM   #14
Shinars Basket Case
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Re: Hair Today...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I cant see that He cares a jot about whether my hair is 2 inches, 10 inches or 30 inches. Its the inside that matters and not what style our hair is in.
I don't necessarily disagree but God (via Paulus) takes up about half a chapter in the NT to talk about it, telling us that the Church has no other custom and not to disagree so I'm guessing its important to God, y'know?


...Unless one subscribes to the modern doctrines of 'that was then and this is now' or the 'nowadays that doesn't count' sort of biblical exegesis where one also discounts the injunctions against women priests and gay 'marriage'.
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Old 18th February 2011, 06:19 PM   #15
Raymond
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Re: Hair Today...

I cannot understand SBC why you are talking about the Xian religion, which I understand is a branch of Buddhism that started in Xi'an in China. Is there a christian branch of this? Doesn't make sense to me.
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