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   Home  > Health Club > Building closeness and intimacy > Articles

Romance and Love-making

By Charmaine Saunders

And there's more....

Food

Keep in mind that romance and sexuality needs to appeal to the senses so let that be your overall theme for the evening (or afternoon!) We've spoken about music and physical comforts but let's not forget the tremendously important area of ---food! Again, it's not the fact that you'll be eating a meal as part of the occasion which requires thought, It's the type of food and how it's offered that will either enhance or detract from the mood you've created. Food is a very sensual feature of life but let's face it, some foods are sexier than others. There's nothing very sexy about a cauliflower but asparagus is a real turn-on. Other sensual choices could be almost any kind of seafood. I don't specifically know why but oysters, lobster, crabs, prawns all appeal to the tactile senses. It could be because we tend to use our fingers to eat these foods, they're also cool and delicious and the fact that they're considered luxury foods adds to the specialness of the meal. Fruit is also excellent, especially grapes, peaches, strawberries and melon. Chocolates are a delicious way to end the meal, especially if fed to each other.

My feeling about the food for a romantic interlude is that it should be less, luscious and luxurious, rather than lots, leaden and left. If I were planning such an occasion, I would not offer an entire meal as who wants to make love on a full stomach? I would have lots of little expensive nibbles like fruit, chocolates strawberries, oysters and asparagus, or a cheese platter. The whole point is that the experience should be special and it won't be if you serve the things you normally would, like a steak or casserole. It's also much nicer if you ear informally. A romantic candlelit dinner is fine for an anniversary or other restaurant celebration but in your own living room, why not feed each other off a large platter whilst reclining on a chaise or sofa? Some people like to eat in bed and others don't but that's the next obvious destination for the lovers, a fresh bottle of champagne and whatever food is left. That's another reason not to overeat - there's nothing more off-putting than a whole pile of sickly, rich foods left around on dirty plates when one is full. For once, be impractical - don't clean up or wash dishes. If your lover wants to take you right there on the table with everything flying, let him!

So, we have created the mood, nice, soft music is playing and we have heightened our senses with succulent morsels - it would be hard not to be relaxed by now. If the lovers are in love and feel very confident in their love-making, that could be the next phase followed by more foreplay activities, if desired, but what of those couples who need more preparation?

Massage

Two things are highly recommended - massage and aromatherapy. We all know the first but what of the second? They work in very well together as aromatherapy is literally therapy via the sense of smell. This is achieved by applying a range of essential oils to various parts of the body. It is gaining popularity for the cure of everything from headache to arthritis but for romantic purposes, we want the sensual qualities of the herbs to come through and to add a further dimension to our loving and touching experience. Some sex therapists even recommend reciprocal massage as a form of foreplay or alternative to intercourse from time to time as it brings couples back to the sensual enjoyment of each other and away from genitalia and orgasm. Of course, mutual masturbation might develop, and/or intercourse and orgasm can be the crowning glory of the night but it doesn't have to be.

The oils of lavender, sandalwood and rosemary are particularly effective for massage.

Sex aids

So far, we've looked at the very earthy senses of touch, sight, sound and taste and smell, but is there a place for cerebral pleasures in romance? For some, these could be a distraction, and for them, the joy lies in not having to think or decide anything, to just let the mind and body float through one sensation after another. For others, intellectual stimulation adds to the total experience. You may like to have on hand some videos, board games, reading material, sex aids and other toys. If you have a partner who likes imaginative fun, be inventive. These need not break the romantic mood if they are used sparingly and prevented from becoming the main focus of the interaction. If you have successfully created all the other components, seeing a sexy video or reading aloud to each other from erotic literature or playing a game like `Foreplay' or `Sexual trivia' will not seem intrusive. It's important to keep the sense of fun and relaxation going as well, and when you get your clothes off, always keep your sense of humour on. There's nothing less romantic that someone who takes themselves too seriously.

Alcohol

As with food, it's best not to overdo the alcohol content of the occasion. You don't want to fall asleep or have the man unable to perform! But also as with food, less is more. A small amount of quality is better than a whole lot of the banal. Offer nice wines or stick to champagne. Beer is too ordinary and filling, spirits too potent. You should be intoxicating each other rather than letting the alcohol do all the work. To keep the theme romantic by paying attention to the detail, ever vigilant of appealing to the eye as well as the other senses. Keep your Coles glasses in the cupboard - only the crystal is good enough for you today, even if you have to borrow some! Watch out for any jarring in the colour schemes, table settings, clothing, bedding, everything, as it's details that will count for the overall effect.

Bathing

Bathing together is an absolute must, preferably a bath with lots of lovely salts, oils, or gel, pretty scented soaps and soft, gentle sponges for lathering each other with. If a bath is impossible, shower together and for once, forget about conserving water - take your time, wash each other, touch lovingly. By all means, have sex in the shower if you wish but it's probably more romantic to use this as another foreplay activity, leaving the sex act for later. You can always have another shower or bath afterwards and this time, make love in the water!

Creating Mood

In conclusion


In this article
- Introduction
- Creating Mood
- And there's more....
- In conclusion

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Copyright © Charmaine Saunders - 2003


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