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   Home  > Marriage Clinic > Internet addiction and cyber sex > Tips

Dating sites – beware!

A widow’s story

I am a recent widow of 16 months and have not been in the dating game for 15 years. Everyone told me to go on the internet to meet quality men so I joined the site, Senior People Meet. It is a very frisky site and I got lots of hits. One in particular fascinated me as his picture showed a gorgeous, well built, Italian man and when he flirted with me on line I flirted back and gave him my regular e-mail number and cell phone number. Now, I'm not a stupid woman and am a retired counsellor so I was well aware of what I was doing...however this guy was a real charmer and got to me. We got very cosy very quickly and shared all about our lives, work, family, likes, dislikes, sexual likes and dislikes the whole gamut...It turned out he was into some kinky stuff but I overlooked all this...alls fair with two consenting adults.

We made plans to meet at a half way place and a week before we were to meet I noticed a perceptible change...no longer the daily phone calls...didn't hear from him for several days and when we did talk I noticed a detachment. Finally, several days before we were to meet me he finally called and I confronted him and told him I didn't appreciate his behaviours and that he had stolen a piece of my heart....well, that did it...He got angry, told me not to "go there"...Don't get edgy on him...and that maybe we shouldn't meet in "that venue"....and that was the end of it....haven't heard from him since.

Now I am trained in sex addiction as I am an addictions counsellor and purposefully confronted this guy to see if he could handle it...as sex addicts objectify and fantasize women...they can't connect although they appear to. And that is what this guy is into. I was very disappointed but it's better to know the truth early on

What to look for

There are a lot of red flags...sometimes directly from their bio. ie. in a long term relationship without sex.. need a sexual partner. Or a headline ie. "Need an older woman to punish me>" Usually it's a lot more subtle...red flags are moving the conversation around to sex and sexual preferences after seducing you and making you feel extremely open and comfortable. Feeling cared for, flattered, intoxicated, bonded, like you can tell him anything and he will understand...and then him leading you to inappropriate places ...such as checking you out to see if you are into kinky sex. Also inconsistencies from their original bio...such as having a picture on line...then taking it off and changing their height from 6' to 5'10. Looking for casual relationship or little information on the bio such as send me a message and I'll tell you is a big red flag. Ignoring you if you question him on any confusion you might have. And making a date to meet...then blowing you off...like not calling after calling you on a regular basis. Getting angry and disappearing when questioned. These guys are after one thing and one thing only....incapable of or not wanting a meaningful, loving relationship with you. Interested in sex only.

Protect yourself

If you want to plan to meet one of these guys....protect yourself physically and emotionally. Be sure to tell several friends where you are planning to meet - a neutral public place - and make a call to a friend and let them know what's going on while you are out with him. Emotionally - go into it with the idea that he will not connect with you on any other level than physically and will run at the first sign of wanting a meaningful involvement.

You’ve been warned

My purpose for writing this is to warn other quality senior women about these types that are preying on the internet. They are no different than obscene phone callers but don't have to use that method anymore....They talk a lot about predators after Seniors money but there is a whole arena out there that are just looking for sexual thrills with no intention of a relationship.

If this helps other unsuspecting women that are wasting their time out there in cyberspace with these dudes.....that would be great.

Thank you


Bonnie

Tip by Bonnie McLean


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