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   Home  > Tips

Hurtful behaviours

Few, if any relationships, are free from hurtful things that one partner does to another. If I made a list of all the unkind words, thoughtless choices, and many other hurtful things my partner and others have done to me in the past, it could stretch for miles.

When I think of the way I've reacted to those hurts, a realization hits me: I've been just as guilty at times. Even if I felt justified in my actions, is it fair for me to say that others didn't feel they were just as justified? How do I know what was truly in their mind at those times, or what led them to choices that clearly didn't make them happier, or me?

Returning a hurt with another hurt may give me temporary feelings of satisfaction, but it doesn't bring me true happiness in my relationship with my partner. Yet when I don't pay them back in some way, or react in anger, it seems like I'm telling them it's ok to hurt me. It seems very confusing at times.

Just for Today

Haven't I and my partner both suffered enough hurt in my lives already? Maybe I can't stop my partner from hurting me or others, but I can stop adding to it with choices of my own. I need to remember that no one wins in a war.

Today, I'll let myself have my feelings, while choosing not to let those feelings result in harmful choices. I'll remove myself from situations where my partner is unkind to me, and take better care of myself and my feelings.

Let it start with me, if nowhere else.

The old law of "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. - Martin Luther King,Jr.

Tip by Bernd Hansen of Relationshipweb


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Copyright, Bernd Hansen andRelationshipweb.com, used with permission.


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