One of the biggest hot spots in
relationships is the issue of sex. I want more or less
than my partner; I have different values, or beliefs; I
feel obligations; I feel rejections. If I have had bad
sexual experiences in the past, I may have flashbacks to
either the memories or the feelings they gave me. Or I
may have expectations thrust on me, or have expectations
of my own that interfere with the sexual part of our
My sexual happiness usually reflects
what is going on in other parts of our relationship. When
I feel at ease with my partner or truly loved in other
ways, I become more at ease in the bedroom as well. When
the rest of our relationship has a lot of struggle, it's
natural for that struggle to be carried over to sex.
My sexuality, however, is like any
other part of me. When what I give to our relationship is
based on expectations - either mine or my partner's - then it
isn't based on love. Hidden resentment builds inside me
each time I make a sexual choice I'm not comfortable
with, or allow my sexuality to be controlled by my loved one's
values or fears.
Just for Today
Love is not based on obligation, but on
Today, I'll make healthy sexual choices
for me, and support my partner's right to do the same.
I'll respect both of our sexual feelings with caring and
compassion, and talk about my feelings - and my partner's - as
best I can with kindness, and calmness.
I own my own body, but I share. - Anonymous
Tip by Bernd Hansen of Relationshipweb