Becoming a Parent-in-law - a life transition
By Dan and Mari Greenwood
16 Ways To Do The Best You Can
- Resolve to ‘let go’ of your son or daughter on their wedding day. They will be their own decision-making unit now.
- Don’t compare their lives, lifestyle with your own.
This can lead to disapproval, envy or self-pity.
- Make a list of the characteristics, interests and actions of your son-in-law or daughter-in-law that you have found most heart-warming. Then keep this list as a reminder against the day when you notice something you don’t like.
- Recognise that all families are different, so your young in-laws will have had different experiences of ‘family’ and ‘relatives’. Accept these with respect.
- Don’t idolise your own family traditions.
Expect them to build their own.
- Don’t expect them to build the wonderful marriage, home and family life that you would like to have achieved.
- Don’t manipulate situations.
- Don’t interfere and don’t criticise
- If you think you know best about setting up a home, planning a garden, caring for babies or children, don’t let on!
- Never take sides.
- Find out what suits them in frequency and length of phone calls, visits, etc. and try to stick to that.
- Share the responsibility for letter writing, planning visits, gifts and get-togethers between everyone involved.
- Avoid the habit of developing a ‘spokesperson’ for each couple in the family. Aim to keep everyone involved so that one person’s interests may not be overlooked and another’s given too much weight.
- Don’t battle with other relations for the young couple’s presence at Christmas or other occasions. Respect the young couple’s decisions on how much they jointly feel it is right for them to be involved in.
- Develop your own interests and friendships, so that you are not un-necessarily dependent on the younger couple.
- Pray for your young families. They may not always have time or inclination to pray for themselves.
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